Building Walls of Unfaithfulness

A few weeks ago, I was out of commission. If anyone reads my health blog may gain a better understanding. I have injuries that rendered me stuck in bed for a week. Despite the mostly happy attitude that I mostly project, this is not always the case. I have been struggling to come to terms with what has been happening to me and I had built a wall between myself and God.

I am unsure of what God's purpose is for me to share this. I've felt drawn to the book of Hosea. Hosea was a prophet who was commanded by God to marry a prostitute as their marriage was an illustration of the relationship between God and Israel; God's faithfulness and Israel's unfaithfulness. The reason I felt drawn to Hosea was because I felt like that unfaithful wife; I had placed other things in my life above God and not addressing my issues, my injuries kept me from God. I kept focusing on the bad stuff. All I saw was my unfaithfulness and what I perceived as God's judgement over my life.

Gomer (Hosea's wife) chased after men, just as Israel went after false gods; serving Baal and many others. God stripped them of their possesions Hos 4:1-2, 18-19 Hear the word of the Lord, you Israelites, because the Lord has a charge to bring against you who live in the land: “There is no faithfulness, no love, no acknowledgment of God in the land. There is only cursing, lying and murder, stealing and adultery; they break all bounds, and bloodshed follows bloodshed. Even when their drinks are gone, they continue their prostitution; their rulers dearly love shameful ways.  A whirlwind will sweep them away, and their sacrifices will bring them shame.

I missed the redemption part of Hosea, which by the grace of God I have through Jesus. My injuries are still present and whilst I don't doubt that God can heal or give me the strength that I need to continue, I have learnt as Job did Job 42:1-6 Then Job replied to the Lord:“I know that you can do all things no purpose of yours can be thwarted.  You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?  Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. “You said, ‘Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.’ My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes.”

So, God has given me perspective and peace, despite the ills my body is still in. If you're struggling with anything, I encourage you to spend time in prayer and seek God, because He can give you His spirit of peace. I also encourage if you are deep in sin and have built a wall between yourself and God to seek assistance, prayer and repentance. Turn to God's Word for His love and encouragement.

Finding myself

So it's been a while since I have posted anything on this blog. I have been doing a lot of soul searching recently, and a bit of praying. I haven't done much today, and I just wanted to jump on before I go to church. I've been reading a book by a Christian author, and the book is really amazing. It's for women, and it's about falling more and more in love with Jesus, being completely His in every aspect of my life. It's so encouraging and I've been praying more recently, which I'm happy about. I'm sure God is happy about this too lol.

I've discovered a lot about myself, my own selfishness and how I've been distancing myself from God. I know that God loves me and will always be with me. He will never give up on me etc. but at the same time, this is the same God who will judge the world and rid it of evil and those who chose not to follow Him. I had a question the other day, and I wonder if anyone has any ideas or opinions about it; when would God stop trying to get your attention? Until the end of time, or when you keep on pressing on in your own selfishness?

In the Old Testament, many times God warned Israel what would happen if they turned away from Him and yet they still disobeyed. Even today, when God tells us what not to do, why do we inherently disobey this? Even if our parents ask us not to do something, we do it, all the more because we were told not to. What is the desire that causes this? And in all of this, will God ever really give up?

Lull

So, the main reason I wanted to start blogging was because I felt God leading me and wanting me to develop my writing. I've always sensed that God wanted me to write for Him, which is amazing in itself, but I never seem to get around to doing that. I haven't written in my journal for a while either. It's hard sometimes when I have a full time job and I'm using my spare time not for Him, but for my own gain; like my photography business. I haven't prayed about it all that much, truth be told, I haven't prayed, really prayed, for a while now. A lot of it ties into my own ideas about myself and my self image, self worth, and also, my sinfulness.

Whilst I believe it is healthy to have an awareness of one's own sinfulness, it's not healthy to constantly put yourself down, of which I am very talented in. Hence the title of this blog; I'm in a lull, and don't feel it can shift easily. I feel I need support from people; I'm an extrovert and I feel "energised" when there are people around me. In my first post on "Beyond the Viewfinder" I posted about hating weekends, due to lack of strong friendships in my church. I felt lonely, and vulnerable when I wrote it, and the comments received, I was very encouraged by them, to those people I thank because I realise I'm not alone in this.

So despite the fact that I am not in the best place with God, He still provides for me what I need, and the times I have prayed - and prayed about friends, He has still supplied me with a small network of people that I can come to; that I can trust, and be encouraged by.

So, to whomever reads this, and maybe in a similar place like mine, take faith! Because God is still there. He still provides, and will go to extraordinary lengths to get you to notice Him. I know that He has for me, and I've been ignoring them - indulging in my own selfishness for a little more, because it's easy and changing means a "spring clean" of sorts of my spirit. Washing away the cobwebs, the junk, the dirty laundry seems too hard.  But, I'm not giving up. I'm way too hard on myself to do that.

I do need to get to a place where I accept myself, and if I could ask for prayer for this, I would really appreciate it.

Thank you to those who see this, to take the time and allow me to express myself. You have given me the encouragement I need so badly.

God Bless

1 Cor 14:34-35

"Let your women keep silent in the churches, for they are not permitted to speak; but they are to be submissive, as the law also says. And if they want to learn something, let them ask their own husbands at home; for it is shameful for women to speak in church." 1 Cor 14:34-35(NKJV)

I am involved in a bible study once a week in my lunch break. I haven't been able to make it that last couple of sessions and I rocked up yesterday to study a pretty intense piece of scripture. We were reading 1Cor 14: 20-40, although most of the study was focused on these two verses. I thought it very interesting to note, that although being the only female present in a room of three men, it was interesting to get their ideas on the matter. For me, this is going to involve some prayer to understand what this could mean for women today.

If we were to take this as Paul writes it, there would be no women speaking or leading church. But as one of my colleagues (Let’s say C1) today in bible study stated, that there are many gifted women that speak at his church, and why be silent if God has given them the gift of speech? Another colleague (C2) then asked what is the proof of that. He had the firm idea that we as the human race have fallen so far from what was originally preached in the Bible and should adhere to it. C2 stated that this was God's original order, as God didn't create a world with sin in it; what he created was perfect until Satan was cast out to the earth (Rev 12:7-12; Jude 1:6-7; Is14:12). C2 Also stated that as women we were to be submissive, in reference to 1Cor 11:3-5 but I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. Every man praying or prophesying, having his head covered, dishonours his head. But every woman who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonours her head, for that is one and the same as if her head were shaved.

So you can imagine my mind with so many questions for our Father after this bible study. Although I didn't have much of a chance to dwell on it back at work, it's been in the back of my mind, wondering, what could this possibly mean for women today? I know of talented women who have preached in church. We also delved on the fact that in terms of work today, most married couples have to both work in order to make ends meet - C1 made this point. Then again, C2 pointed out that it depends on the expenses that have been paid.

Colleague 3 (C3) and C1 shared similar points of view and C2 was very clear on his opinions which made me wonder about my life. The question was asked of me, should women preach? I did say that not all are called to preach, I certainly don't feel God calling me to stand at the pulpit, but I have, over the years, heard Him quietly encouraging me to write. And right now, I feel His Spirit with me, like I am worshipping Him just by sharing my thoughts. How amazing is our God?

I apologise for the tangent, but I do love the fact that I can share His love so freely. 

Now, as I was saying, every person has different gifts, but I also pointed out the women who were mentioned in the Bible; Deborah in Judges 4, Ruth, Esther - what about these women of faith. Are their efforts to be discounted because they came to be in positions of power (Esther, Deborah) or will the hard work of others be discredited (Ruth) just because she had no husband to provide for and spiritually lead her? (That’s until Boaz, the family redeemer married Ruth) Also, the Bible was written by men - there are probably many stories of women, but because of the culture of the day, we may not find out about them.

Mind you, in saying all this - I do believe that the men are the head of the house. I believe this because God ordained it to be. But he still created men and women to live in peace with each other; wives to submit to husbands in love, as we as the Bride of Christ (body of believers) should submit to Christ, and the men to love their husbands, as Jesus loves his beloved "brides-to-be" (again, body of believers) Paul states in 1 Corinthians 11:7-10 "Since he (man) is the image and glory of God; but woman is the glory of man. For man is not from woman, but woman from man. Nor was man created for the woman, but woman for the man." but further in Chapter 11 he goes to say in verses 11-12 "Nevertheless, neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord. For as woman came from man, even so man also comes through woman; but all things are from God."

And as strong and independent God made me, I believe that I should submit to my husband and the bond between husband and wife should be the same with God and His people. Why do I believe this? Well, for starters it's in the Bible. God's word is Holy and He gave the writers of the Bible His words. Also, I believe that what God ordains in this life, in who we are, our personalities and relationships with others mirrors (weakly) God's own diverse personality and love that He has for us. 

I don't disagree with C2 on some matters, but his answers has intrigued me all the more - and has challenged me to think about my place in this world; the place of women in the church today. 

Genesis states "And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man." (Gen 2: 21-22). As God created Adam all those many years ago for a helper and companion to walk, share and grow with; so are we to share the same kind of relationship with God. To be vulnerable as a woman can be, but to walk with the stride of a man becuase of God's strength. I believe that men and womenare to be together in a companionship, recognising each other's roles and, I believe, to not usurp them.

Heavenly Shepherd and His Blessings

So I was reading my devotional this morning about being part of Jesus' flock. Yes Pslam 23 was one of the bible readings, Mathew 18:12-14 Hebrews 13:20-21 were the others. In Hebrews it states that Jesus equips us with all that we need to follow Him. Mathew shows us how joyful Our Saviour is when He has found us entrenched in sin and brings us back to Him and Psalms shows us the lavish love our Lord has for us, His chidlren.

I often am amazed with the Bible; God has written us this amamzing love letter to us, and it blows me away that the God of the universe could possibly want me in His pasture, following Him, serving Him and basking in His glory. He has the angels in heaven to sing beautiful praises to Him. God knows that my singing isn't perfect or in tune, yet when I sing to Him, He is glorified. How amazing is that?

So humbled I am, and wanting to praise God and share the wonderful blessings he has given me in the last three days. On Saturday, my dad called me. This was a big deal for me as I haven't spoken to him for nearly twelve months (we had a falling out). We had a good conversation and we both expressed our viewpoints rationally, soberly and we listend to each other. I was considering going to counselling for this, but I feel that God had answered a prayer that I had been asking Him about for quite some time. In this time, despite my wandering (Mathew 18:12-14) and feeling like that I was walking through such a dark path in my life (Psalm 23:4) God came and found me, He was with me (Psalm 23:5) and He rejoiced in my submission to Him (Mathew 18:13).

Despite on Sunday, I didn't attend church - you can see my other blog and post which describes how much I loathe weekends. I have had depression in the past, and it is harder on weekends when I am not around people (it's like I recharge around people) and feeling like that all the cliques at church aren't interested in expanding their group despite my failed attempts. I wanted to throw in the towel and was crying out to God for His peace. Funny how scripture can bring that like with today's passages.

He equiped me today with such a joyfulness in my heart, and He blessed me for my persistance and hard work at my job. I was awarded for "Passion of Excelence" for record keeping. I was blown away by all this, and cannot stop thinking just how amazing today has been because of my Lord and Savior. Again, today in a way, was an answer to prayer, it's so nice to know that my work is appreciated, especially when I put so much effort into it.

I will trust my Lord will equip me (Hebrews 13:20-21) with all that is good, to serve Him!

Praises to God!

Honest Beginnings

I was hoping that with this blog, I could share with people my beliefs, and opinions about God. So many people have opinions about God, that He doesn't exist, or that we are our own gods. Whatever people believe, my God told me to tell the world of His Good News, which is of His love for humanity and what it ultimately cost Him.

Before I can do that however, I need to be honest; I am not perfect, nor will I ever will be in this lifetime. I have been saved by grace but that doesn't mean I'm not exempt from temptation and sin. The difference, for me, is that I have been saved by God's grace; He has forgiven me, my past, my present and my future.

Actually, I've been struggling recently. Yeah, even Christians struggle. I haven't been praying as much because of some health issues I've had recently, and some emotional scars that I need healing for. Why not? Because, like everyone, I want to escape. I want to hide underneath the blankets and not let anyone in. I suppose in a way, that's the annoying thing about being a Christian; Jesus is still there, waiting for me to come out under the blankets to comfort, encourage and when necessary, reprimand.
It sucks to feel like that, like there is no control. Technically, that's what I've got Jesus for, but there are days where I feel so far away from Him - and that's because I've distanced myself from Him. But (there is always a but) I find myself crying out, and I find that God listens. And for that, I believe all the praises in the world should go to Him.